The Politics of Avocado Toast  

The scene opens in a hip, rustic, fusion-style kind of brunch joint, nestled somewhere in the heart of a bustling city. The walls are all made of exposed brick, and the menus are written upon them in colorful chalk, in an attempt to be edgy. There are rusted pieces of metal hung randomly along the walls, they look as though they were picked by a blind man at a salvage yard. There’s not a matching table in the house, all the silverware is from the goodwill, and all of the napkins are recycled bandannas. The light fixtures all look like first edition Thomas Edison bulbs, that were hung by an electrician with no depth perception. The place is jam packed, wall to wall with young men and women that are dressed in either jean jackets, that are covered with pins for bands that are more ironic than they are talented, or they are dressed like tailors from one hundred years ago. There are beards everywhere, lush and well oiled beards cover the faces of those who identify as men for as far as the eye can see. The food in this restaurant is a unique twist on every single classic breakfast dish, that you didn’t even know needed a twist. There’s avocados everywhere, and on top of everything; the toast, the biscuits, the eggs, and even the avocados are covered with avocados. The mimosas and Bloody Mary’s flow through this establishment, as though this is the day drinking land of organic milk and honey. There’s a heavy commotion in the air from all of the jumbled conversations of the patrons in this restaurant, it’s mostly indiscernible pieces of conversations regarding tech firms and far left political views. This is a utopia for young people to break bread, it’s the like a great hall for them to talk about gender, gun control, immigration, and a whole bunch of other shit that they have no fucking idea about. But off in the corner, a middle aged man dressed in a pressed plaid button-up, jeans that appear to be tailored for a small bear, and a very distinct red hat, sits alone at a table made from composted chipotle napkins and recycled hub caps from a VW bug. He is about as out of place as a man could ever find himself. He is the scourge of the Earth as far as the younger guests in this restaurant are concerned, and the sentiment is mutual in his regard. The only reason he has found himself in this tense and uncomfortable situation, is because this restaurant used to be his favorite spot for many years, that was before the previous owner went bankrupt and had to sell it to the lowest bidder. He is visibly upset as he sits with his lone glass of water with lemon and no food, he sent the dish that he ordered back to the kitchen after only one bite because it was, “overpriced garbage”. The man is calm yet laser focused, as he waits for a manager to come and speak with him about the lack of good service in the restaurant industry these days. He glares in disappointment at the bustling scene of Millenials in this restaurant, and wonders how any of these free loaders are paying for these meals. That thought is interrupted as the manager returns to the table, he kindly informs the gentleman that his meal will be free of charge today. The manger tells him it’s because of the restaurants “dedication to outstanding service”, but in all actuality it’s because no one wants this man to make anymore of a fuss about some bacon and eggs, and God forbid he knows how to use yelp. The man gets up and begins to leave, a heartfelt look of disappointment shown profoundly on his face as he remembers what this place used to be. The millennials all cast a look of disgust on the man, as they are also reminded of what used to be. 

Whether you think that metaphorical little anecdote that you just read was targeting millennial hipsters or the bitter people that raised them, make no mistake, that was a stab at both of them. It’s just so damn easy to do when both groups are just as equally sensitive, towards receiving any criticisms from one another. For example, If you’re not old enough to remember Reagan, and you mention anything that’s not covered on the Fox News manifesto to a large chunk of older people in this country, then you are automatically a liberal and you’re  pushing for a communist agenda. They will say you are a sensitive little snow flake, rather than argue in an intelligent fashion. On the flip side to that coin, I am absolutely not pleading on behalf of the whimpering lipped douche bags of my generation, because they are just as ignorant, if not worse. These modern day warriors for progression have tried so very hard to personify an unneeded sense of edginess to the ideal of being an individual, that they have actually gone right ahead and made conformity the new standard. The hard headed and unflinching self righteousness from both of the aforementioned groups, have made the thought of a unified and cohesive society seem like a far off dream. It’s no secret that this country is currently a shit sandwich, but old or young we all took a part in making this sandwich. 

“Millennials are entitled crybabies that have never worked a goddamn day in their lives! Their ignorance is ruining this country!” No, that’s not a direct quote from every single American over the age of 35, but they might as well adopt it as their creed, with how frequently they say that shit. Basically, every story you see or read in the news is the same rhetoric over and over again, on how the generation of Americans who are preparing to take the reigns of this country’s political and economic future are going to fuck it up. Right wing reporters are constantly bashing the apathetic group of dipshits that eat laundry detergent, and call the basic knowledge of human biology hate speech. They are spitting rapid fire blame at these good for nothings, that were all given participation trophies and raised with the belief that they are all unique and destined for greatness. These reporters are however, incredibly fucking justified in doing so to a certain degree. Millennials do have an overwhelming portion of people in their ranks, that flat out suck at being decent and productive members of society. There’s a great deal of them that refuse to accept facts and practice logical reasoning, and instead allow their emotions and bias to create all of their convictions and beliefs. They cater only to ideas that make them feel nice and bubbly inside, and  they shun and despise anything that contradicts their goals of happiness and inclusion, regardless of validity or importance. They are dangerous in the realm of politics for that exact reason. A country cannot be lead purely off emotion. They cannot only care for one side of the aisle, while the other is being silenced and denied the basic right of free speech, purely because they are presenting an opposition. Those are examples of the exact types of “tyranny” and “fascism” that they’re always fucking crying about. However, they developed all of these traits some where and those ideals were molded by someone. They didn’t give those participation trophies to themselves. 

“Fucking old people are racist, homophobic, sexist, and just so blind to the fact that we’re going to change this country into something where everyone can feel loved and accepted! Except them, fuck them for not conforming to what we want!” Ask any Millennial who is protesting literally anything, and I guarantee their answer will encompass at least one, if not all of the parts to that previous sentence. They have set out with a set of brave new ideas of social and political reform for this country, and have simultaneously made their parents blood boil in the process. Their folks aren’t upset that their children are involved in politics, no they’re fuming because of the steadfast ignorance and foolishness attached to their offsprings beliefs. Attention upset parents, you fucking raised them! You call them snowflakes as an insult now, but have you forgotten about the times that you would utter those words to your sweet little babies and tell them that anything is possible, no dream is too big, and that they are just so gosh darn special. Think back to the time before your child was a dildo yielding social justice warrior, raging on the front lines for the huffington post, and think of how you thought it was fine for them to play sports with no winners and planted that seed of limitless inclusion in them. Think about the time that your sweet little guy or girl drew with permanent marker all over your living room wall, and you the intelligent adult, refused to punish them for their behavior at the risk of damaging their “creative spirit”, or whatever other fucking stupid reason you told yourself to feel better about not disciplining them. Think back to all the horrendous fits they threw over toys and games that you caved into time after time, teaching them that they will always get their way. Think back to when you went as far as voting to approve legislation, legislation that would negate the way another set of parents saw fit to discipline their child, teaching your own flesh and blood, that an infringement of others rights is fine as long as it makes you feel better. Your progressive parenting ideals made progressive young people, go figure. 

This country has a long way to go to achieve unity between Millennials and the older generation of Americans, but if we don’t try to find that common ground soon, then we are just going to keep hurdling our beloved country towards an inevitable damnation. There will never be a perfect fairy tale ending to this chapter in our history, but with just a little bit of empathy, we might ensure that this is not our final chapter, because divided we will undeniably fall.