An Unprecedented Waste of Time 

Social media is something of a double edged sword for me. On one hand, I am very active on Facebook and Instagram, not just to promote this blog, but I am also very guilty of using said apps to burn time at work, by watching trending videos and tagging my best friend in memes. However, more often than not I find myself tumbling down these weird rabbit holes of unending ignorance. For example, if you have read any previous articles of mine, then you may have stumbled across my piece called, “The Earth is Round and Other Lies”. It’s not a Pulitzer Prize winner by the furthest stretch of anyone’s imagination, but it’s worth a read. It’s about a time that I was afforded the opportunity of gaining some “insight” from some flat earth believing folks, who insist on shoving their heads up their own assholes, rather than into a book or near a telescope. Nonetheless, I learned from this experience just how prolific of a platform social media has become for lunatic conspiracy theorists. 

It used to be, that if you believed in nonsense like the moon landing being fake  or the existence of big foot, you would be forced to interject your parasitic, waste of time ideas onto others in real life. And that’s difficult when you have the social skills of a six year old and the outward appeal of a dumpster behind a Chili’s. You might have to rally in a local park with a couple of other weirdos and someone would throw food at you all, eventually you would slither back into your respective basements, and hopefully get real fucking jobs, so that your family would stop being disappointed in you. Those were the Golden days. Then along came the internet, and just like all good revolutionaries it gave a voice to the voiceless. The conspiracy theorists were now given an unlimited space to spew forth whatever crazy shit they could come up with, while they smoked weed and listened to techno mashups of Wiz-Khalifa and Miley Cyrus. And the coup de gras of Internet nonsense that took over the minds of so many impressionable youth, was the thousands apon thousands of theories regarding the Illuminati. 

The Illuminati is a plethora of things, theoretically. Yet it is nothing in actuality. If you’re unaware, it’s basically just a stab in the dark at the idea of a one world government. Now I for one am a sceptic, and I dig the idea of certain conspiracy theories, especially those that may lead to a government cover up or some big juicy story. That being said, the idea of a one world government definitely peaks my conspiring interests, but the keyboard warriors on the internet have gone far too deep into left field for me to get on board with their theories of an autocracy across the globe. In an attempt to prove that the government is out to get us, they have delved way too deep inside of their cynicism towards politicians and leaders, and have successfully driven themselves mad. They believe in absurdities such as, all of the leaders across the world are Satan worshipping meat puppets, President Barack Obama was the Muslim Anti-Christ (go ahead and read that last one twice), and my personal favorite, Beyoncé and Jay Z are part of the one world government, who are using entertainment to brainwash the population into worshiping the Devil. And that’s just the tip of the bullshit iceberg, that these ass clowns have developed over many years of not reading books. For Christ’s sake do these people even read what they believe in? These ideas are so outlandish that even Alex Jones couldn’t get off to some of this shit. Look, I’m not too sure of a whole lot in this fucked up world of ours, but I can guarantee a couple of things. Just as sure as I am that the sun will continue to rise in the east and set in the west, I am just as certain in the fact that Jay Z, the Jigga man himself, the self-proclaimed best rapper alive is in no way, shape, or form a puppet master in the seedy under belly of world wide politics. 

While the Illuminati may have been real at one point in time, they are dead, gone, and nothing to concern yourselves with any longer. See, during the 1700’s they were basically a group of scientists who saw themselves as “enlightened”, and were presenting ideas that challenged some of the principles of the Catholic Church. The Bible Bangers didn’t like that very much, labeled them as heretics, and the rest of the the world moved on. That was until the 1960’s, when two assholes named Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson wrote a trilogy of books entitled, “The Illuminatus!” The books came at a time of a deep lack of trust in the government, and sparked a counter culture of desperate people who believed the dribble written inside of these books. That culture was forced to lurk in the shadows for decades. Mainly because of it’s “difficulties”, surrounding human interactions that were addressed earlier in this article. But then their scope and reach was expanded a million fold by the internet’s keen ability to give a voice to the opinionated introvert, and now we’ve come full circle.

This world is a complete and total mess, a melting pot of hardship, sadness, senseless violence, unreasonable leadership, and downright absurdity. So to a degree, I can understand why some people look for answers in the realm of “make believe”, to try and make some sense of it all. It’s much easier than facing reality, but it doesn’t make it right. Because when you choose to believe something that’s so off the wall, that in your heart of hearts, you know it is just an annoying way of grasping for attention, then you’re not only being ignorant, you’re being willfully ignorant. And we don’t have any time for that shit in today’s already morally deprecated society. If you want to challenge your government and expose truth and injustices alike, well then more power to you. Question everything and develop your world view. But I implore you to do so within the parameters of sanity. Stop wasting your time on these bullshit theories of a new world order, and leave rappers and other entertainers out of your list of world leaders to begrudge. Look around at all the real conspiracies happening every single day, most of which still beg an answer. For example; Hillary Clinton and the Benghazi scandal. President Donald Trump (the leader of the free world) was under investigation for two fucking years for possible collusion with Russia. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is under investigation for possibly embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars through her campaign. The manufactures of OxyContin were found guilty of knowing full well the dangers of the drug and its resounding overdoses. China is literally grading their people on a “Social Credit Structure”, in an effort to determine what kind of life a Chinese citizen is allowed to have, based on what they do for the country. That’s not even remotely close to all of the mind-boggling shit going on in the world today. But some of you would still rather send hate filled comments about the symbolism relating to world power on the back of a dollar bill, then address any one of the number of topics that were just touched on. And if that’s you, then you need to grow the fuck up, get out of your YouTube dungeon, and start developing some worthwhile convictions that could actually make a difference in the world. And if you can’t do that, well then for the love of God, just please don’t reproduce. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk.